The Park Slope Barbers Comedy Duo

© nydailynews.com

Barber 1: “You know what my wife said? You were all over the bed last night, and you never touched me.

[No response]

Barber 1: “What’s the matter? You tired? You eat?”

Barber 2: “I had onion soup for lunch.”

Barber 1: “What, onions make you tired? You want know what onions do to me?”

Barber 2: “I don’t wanna know.”

Barber 1: “No, really – they give me nightmares. I love ’em, but if I have them, I can’t sleep.”

Barber 2: “What no’mally works for me is a couple of shots of brandy.”

_____________

Customer: “Murray says to Selleck, “Tom, you better cut your moustache.” Well, that’s like telling the Pope to like go Santería, be a Voodoo priest.” I mean, that’s his livelihood, come on.”

_____________

Listening to a restaurant ad: served on a bed of forbidden black rice…

Barber 1: “Fawbidden? You get some sort of forbidden disease!”

Come see us at ____ street in Eastern Secaucus.

Barber 1: “Easte’n Seacaucus! Forbidden?”

_____________

Gesturing to the two boys waiting their turn with their mother, one of them with young-hero longish blond hair, he quips: “why so serious? You afraid you’re going to end up like these two?” – Me with male-pattern-and-thus-shaving-head-baldness, my compatriot a 60-something gent also going the whole hog, shaving the wings of his vanity.

_____________

The other barber lifts a dark-haired boy out of the chair, puts him down, brushes him off, and says, “what you think, Dad?”

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David McBloglin

My name is David McLoghlin, I am the author of "Waiting for Saint Brendan and Other Poems" (Salmon Poetry, July 2012); I am an Irish poet, writer and literary translator, who currently lives in New York, and blogs about its vicissitudes, while not writing other things, like my 2nd collection. I moved to NYC in 2010 to study at NYU's MFA Program in Creative Writing, from which I graduated in 2012, two months before my book was published. Before moving to the US, I lived in Ireland, Spain, Belgium, France, the USA, and travelled in a variety of countries (including Morocco, Czechoslovakia (when it was that country), Paraguay, Uruguay, Argentina and Norway), whilst engaged in a number of pursuits. Newyorkperistalsis.wordpress.com came about as a catch-all for impressions related to moving to NYC alone: culture shock, in essence, and all her ugly sisters.

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